Do you ever see those moms that are going through somethingsoincredibly difficult and think “HOW are they doing it?”
You know what I mean - moms struggling with mental illness, dealing with serious marital issues, or the mom that just found out her child has a life-altering disease.
Then do you ever realize sometimes YOU are the mom going through that incredibly difficult thing?
I think we all, at one point or another, arethatmom. The mom going through something tragic, miles outside of our comfort zone, or just plainhard.
Because we all have or will experience these crushing moments, we thought it was well worth our time to gather some advice from those moms. Moms going through the tough stuff.
Their advice is priceless and their stories are so beautifully vulnerable. Here are the stories of 5 mamas and how they have dealt with those hard times.
"Can I tell you something? I hated dragging myself to a therapist, to my PC. I hated sitting in that postpartum space, crying, detailing my anxiety and headaches to my physician, ultimately knowing that I could no longer hold all the things needed to hold by myself. I hated asking for help - because I wanted to be able to do it on my own. But you know what? The day I admitted I needed help was the day I became a better mother. It was the day I became a better wife. It was the day I became a better me. I became better not because someone with depression or anxiety or rage is less than and then medicine helps "fix" them. Not even close. Don't even try to say that to me. But in admitting I needed help, I allowed people, science, medicine, therapy and community to love the broken and needy parts of me just as much as the whole and tidy parts. allowed myself to love myself - even when I wasn't exactly who I thought I should be. I can teach you about epidurals, breast milk, placentas and Pitocin. I can walk you through a contraction and fetal heart rate monitoring. I can affirm and validate your choices, reminding you that you are vital and valued and important, that you are a really good mama. But ultimately, I want you to love yourself well. Not because you do the "right" things, not because you feed your baby the "right" way, not because you have the "right" kind of birth. I want you to care deeply for yourself, in both the things you can control and the things you cannot. And sometimes? That means admitting you need help. That means talking about things you don't want to talk about. That means acknowledging that you just cannot do it all anymore. If you get anything from me, from this space, from the vulnerability + honesty of others, may it be this: Allowing yourself to be loved, in the fullness of your beauties and your brokenness then allows you to turn around and love your babies, your partner, yourself, in the very same way And that kind of love? Well that’s what all of us deserve”
-Words and photo by @thelabormama on Instagram
"I took this picture yesterday morning. After a hard night the night before and in the middle of a rough morning. I was at my breaking point, crying while feeding and texting Chase saying, "I can't do this." Because at the time I didn't want to. I looked back at this picture after taking it, though, and saw "Mama" written on my shirt. And the chain of my necklace tucked beneath my Mama shirt that says "Eli" on the pendant. And I remembered that I not only CAN do it, but that I AM doing it. And WILL continue to do it. And that's right there is what makes motherhood powerful. The ability to rally. The second, third, and fourth wind that we always muster up. That, right when we want to quit, we simply don't. The emptiness, tests, losses, and changes all make up a strong, relentless, and powerful new identity: Mama."
-Words and photo by @fittestcore on Instagram
"This is the moment I looked in the mirror for the first time. Legs still tingling from the epidural, I stood in front of the mirror and looked at my squishy belly. I was alone. For the first time in over nine months. It was just me. This moment was the first of a few hard moments in my transition into the 4th trimester. I wasn't delusional going into surrogacy. I had read many blogs and testimonies from other surrogates about their experience. But none of those stories prepared me for those first few days postpartum…
Nothing can prepare you for walking out of the maternity ward/hospital after giving birth without a newborn snuggled in their car seat. Nothing can prepare you for getting home from the hospital and cutting off your hospital wrist bands. Each cut with the scissors felt like I was severing myself from the journey. For months I had such an important role and duty, and this signified the 'end! Nothing can prepare you for the crash of hormones. All of day 3, I was a mess of emotions and bloodshot eyes. Nothing can prepare you for hearing a baby cry in Target and losing every bit of strength you have not to cry in public. I'm sure I looked like a crazy person as I wandered the Hearth & Hand section with tears streaming down my cheeks. These moments were hard and I'll never forget this transition into the #4thtrimester of this #surrogacyjourney There is still beauty in these moments because they made me stronger. And I'll always know my moments of suffering could never hold a light to the twelve years my intended parents waited for Baby F."
Words and photo from @ohheymamamack on Instagram
"Dear #mama, I know you don't feel like you're beautiful anymore because you may have stretch marks that are darker than others. I know that you are wishing your body was stretch mark free like the women in the magazines you see or even some of your friends who seemed like their pre-pregnancy, pregnancy, and post-pregnancy were flawless. I know that you don't feel confident because the clothes that fit months before you got pregnant are being thrown out #postpartum. I know that you are tired of feeling overlooked and when you're out in public, you are rushing through the store just to get back home. I know that you are fighting a battle mentally every day and you don't feel like anyone knows, cares, or sees. I know that you are emotionally struggling to hold it all together just to keep up with the perfect" image you have or even the mamas you see on social media. I know that you looking for ways to get back to who you were before that man walked into your life and seemed to glide through parenthood while you feel like you're just trying to get through. Know that you are not what you see, but you are exactly who you need to be. You are a beautiful woman. You are a strong woman. You are radiant and everyone around you feels and knows it. You are the definition of a Queen and maybe the #proverbs31woman. We were not given the honor of being a plastic mom but the privilege of being a real mom. #motherhood is not glamorous, it's not easy and it sure plays a role in your mental health. But instead of letting it bring you down, let it lift you. These humans NEED you, they need the body you have. They need their mom just the way she is so when they grow up, they build the thick skin, confidence, and heart that you have. This is motherhood, and mothering isn't about faking it until you make it. It's about living unapologetically and helping the next mother get there. This is my truth, how's motherhood for you?"
Words and photo by @trinitysierra on Instagram
“I don't talk about our losses a lot, though I think about them all the time. Those were some of the darkest days for me. I remember the unbearable pain of knowing my body couldn't keep my babies safe and there was nothing I could do about it. I lost "close" friends who didn't want to deal with the hard times. I went to many doctors trying to figure out what was wrong, only to have them either slam the door in my face or tell me to wait for another miscarriage before they could do anything. When I finally did find a doctor willing to help, I felt like an enormous weight had been lifted off my shoulders. For the first time in a long time I felt hope. Almost a year later we found out about my pregnancy with the quadruplets. Colby said it was like we got the other babies back and then one. Stories of hope after loss were a big part of what kept me going, and a big reason why I decided to share ours. I can only hope our story is helping someone else along the way to their rainbow”
Words and photo by @helloquadruplets on Instagram
All of our stories are different, but one thing we all have in common is thatwe can do this.Not alone, but with help, with patience, and with the support of the motherhood community ready to lift you up.